I missed him...

I've never experienced anything positive about relationship (even my own family relationship was horrendous, it couldn't possibly be counted as anything positive at all...) to know exactly what prompted my mind to react that way to someone. I think I am confused because of the sudden surge of attention given to me. What can I say? I feel appreciated, something I could rarely feel for the pass 14 years. Can someone who had been voids of so many feeling actually feel it again?

I doubt I'll be able to get anything out of this feeling I have now. It doesn't make money, unless if I do somehow got married to him, otherwise I don't see how it's going to benefit me at all. He doesn't need to worry about stepping up and claiming his heirloom, unlike me who has plenty of rivals to beat. He doesn't need anything from me either. In fact I need things out of him more than he need womens to entertaint him. What can I offer to him that he hasn't already have? Marriage is something I do not want to consider... and neither will he... So how do I get a hand on his connection and money without sacrificing too much on my side?

Will I be able to focus with all this weird questions looming in my head? I hope I could...

I do think that I am thinking too much... This is bad and I definitely need to get rid off before it do me any harm for real...

I am actually very upset now after I learned about Akira's leaving. She did mentioned it earlier that there's possibility of her leaving but I guess I was keeping hope that she won't. But it happens and I'll have to bear with it and wish for her to return as soon as she can.

Akira has been a very good friend and we (all the skype addicts) had chat for as long as I could remember since the mRIC times, and that was like since the Host Board was still new. I guess time and interest really do bond people together, no matter who and where we are. I think Sonya is the one who will missed her the most among us, they were closest to each other after all. It sucks that even now the both of them weren't able to chat one more time before Akira's leave.

Test is an evil thing!!! *Shakes fist at test!!!*

So now, please excuse me while I go emo and sobs my eyes out...

I know I've been a little off track lately, so I'll really appreciates some feedback about my character. Rest assured that your comments will be taken into great consideration while I work on getting Kaede back onto the correct track.

Many thanks in advance.

I heard the construction for the Music Room 3 was almost completed. I am going there to check out the Ouran Host Club once it's done, and of course to see if I could get anywhere nearer to my intended target, Kyoya and Tamaki. I am not sure if I would be able to handle Kyoya's personality this time though, he was really hard to crack the first time I met him. Not to mentioned I caught at the wrong time. Hoepfuly things will turn out better later...

I meet with Shun from the appliance shop today. Father wanted some extra items added into the list. He seems to be fine with them now that they have apologize about the wrong packages earlier. I have to admit they are goods are in great condition and of good value. Shun wasn't around when I arrived. I waited for about 15 minutes before he returned from a warehouse visit. He was bubbly as usual, maybe a little too bubbly to my liking. He was talking non-stop all the time, I barely had chance to speak. He only stopped after I made an attempt to leave (I swear my ear would have blow up if he continues bickering like that!). The new inclusion was done, and it make the situation worst for me because he started bickering all over again after that. Of course I took the chance to get myself out before he could say more.

The Henna design was still clearly visible on my hand. The henna must be good since it stays for almost a week already. I am growing to like it a lot. Will he re-do it if I ask? I should probably drop by his class and ask him later... Maybe a few day later, when the Henna wear off a little.

School was boring as usual. Met some rich kids (not to mention a few idiotic ones...). I have yet to meet Tamaki until now. I wonder if he did came to school, or I am just bad luck that I keep missing him. I've seen Kyoya though, although it was a very brief and cold one. I must talk to him again, he seems like a very smart person... maybe a little too smart... Oh well, I guess it can't be help with that kind of reputation his family uphold.

Today the little lost pedigree came barking to the hotel. Man, she is one noisy pup and not to forget, nosy too. Should I teach her how to be more respectful to the master of the house she now happily 'smudge' with her unwanted paw prints? Or perhaps leant what a pup can and can't do to her own master? I'll have to remind the staff to sterilized the whole hotel once the puppy return to where she belongs.

On a brighter note, Mr Fujiwara was very happy with the little 'present' Father had left for him. I have no idea Father arranged such a thoughtful token of memorial for him. Today marked the 3rd year since his first visit to the our hotel. I still remembered how I accidentally shower him in wine when I first learned how to serve that man. That was the first time I saw one of his rare smiles. Serving him was a pain most of the time, but I guess it's well paid off, especially now that he promised another year of patronage with 'extra benefits'. How I like those generous business man.

It's weird...

I seems to be losing focus lately, maybe I should avoid seeing him so much? But it was not like I purposely stalks him or anything. We are in the same school, we are bound to see each other sometimes and somewhere. And I do admit I am fond of him, having him around just feel very different. Alive? He gave me something I longed for, attention. I guess I am feeling lonely after all. But... There's always a but in between us... would I even have a chance to win a place in his heart... even if it was a small one? The Henna... if I could really express myself to you, I would love to tell you how much it meant for me... Thank you, Ranmaru...

This race is tiring me. I don't even know if it worth all the torment I am going through. I did make some good progress and Father was very happy. It was only a few days ago that one of my planned worked. I thought it might have failed after such a long wait, but I suppose the little patience I had was rather helpful. Ryuuzaki was a pain in the ass as usual. It's not as if he could do much. He was pretty pathetic in his own venture. I don't think he even know how to utilize his brain. That woman hadn't talk with me for at least 3 months now. It's a good progress. I don't think we had ever quit shouting at each other for more than a week. Should I even be happy about this? I guess maybe I should?

The Basics

1. Full Name: Nakamura Kaede (Family name, Given name)
2. Nicknames: none
3. Birthday: 01 November 1991
4. Place of Birth: Tokyo, Japan.
5. Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
6. Male or Female: Female
7. Grade: High School 1st Year
8. School: Mori High School
9. Occupation: Student
10. Residence: Nakamura Inn, Tokyo, Japan.
11. Screen Name: It's pretty obvious that I don't use any, right?

Your Appearance

12. Hair Color: Black.
13. Hair Length: Long.
14. Eye color: Dark brown
15. Best Feature: ....
16. Height: 158cm
17. Braces?: none
18. Glasses?: none
19. Piercing: Earings.
20. Tattoos: No way!
21. Righty or Lefty: Right-handed

Your 'Firsts'

22. First best friend: none
23. First Award: none... I was too busy attending to family matter to really care about entering any competition.
24. First Sport You Joined: hmm...
25. First pet: A white mice named 'Yuki'. Too bad the neighbor's cat ate it...
26. First Real Vacation: Went to Venice when I was around 7 or 8. That was when our family was still good in relationship...
27. First Concert: none
28. First Love: none, I think... I can name someone, but that might not fully qualified as love... yet...

Favorites

29. Movie: Fantasy movies are always entertaining.
30. TV Show: I don't have time for TV.
31. Colors: Black
32. Rapper: They are too annoying to listen to.
33. Band: The Pillows
34. Song Right Now: Random music
35. Friend: Morii Ranmaru... can't think of anyone else
36. Candy: No thanks.
37. Sport to Play: Is money making a sport?
38. Restaurant: I don't really care about food, as long as it's not poisoning or make me sick.
39. Favorite brand to wear: Anything comfortable. I don't waste my money on unnecessary things. I do like clothes from Comma and Elle.
40. Store: .....
41. School Subject: Business Studies and History
42. Animal: Dogs, they are loyal.
43. Book: Any book that teaches how to make more money.
44. Magazine: same as above.
45. Shoes: Comfortable ones will do.

Currently

46. Feeling: Annoyed
47. Single or Taken?: Single.
48. Have a crush: Yes?
49. Eating: Nothing
50. Drinking: Plain water
51. Typing: Duh...
52. Online?: Duuuuuuh....
53. Listening To: Some random music...
54. Thinking About: Why are these questions getting dumber and dumber?
55. Wanting To: Make more money!
56. Watching: The computer screen while I type.
57. Wearing: Plain black sleeveless top and a pair of pale grey pants.

Future

58. Want Kids?: ....
59. Want to be Married?: ....
61. Where do you want to live: Somewhere else, maybe Armsterdam....
62. Car: I would love a Skyline R34, but I don't think it goes well with a businesswoman image...

Which is Better With The Opposite Sex

63. Hair color: Black
64. Hair length: Medium.
65. Eye color: Whatever color he is born with.
66. Measurements: Medium, not too much muscle...
67. Cute or Sexy: Sexy of course. Cute is for kids! I am not a pedo...
68. Lips or Eyes: Lips...
69. Hugs or Kisses: Kisses...
70. Short or Tall: Taller than me...
71. Easygoing or serious: Both?
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Depends on the situation...
73. Fatty or Skinny: Slim but too skinny...
74. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: I don't know. I have not really thought much about it
76. Sweet or Caring: Caring
]77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: Hesitant. I have enough trouble to deal with...

Have you ever

78. Kissed a Stranger: No thanks
79. Had Alcohol: No, I am under-aged
80. Smoked: No. It's disgusting
81. Ran Away From Home: No
82. Broken a bone: No
83. Got an X-ray: Every year, medical check-up.
84. Been with someone: No.
85. Broken Someone’s Heart: Don't remember any...
86. Broke Up With Someone: No
87. Cried When Someone Died: No one I knew died yet.
88. Cried At School: No

Do You Believe In

89. God: No
90. Miracles: No
91. Love At First sight: No
92. Ghosts: No
93. Aliens: What the...
94. Soul Mates: Maybe...
95. Heaven: No...
96. Hell: Yes, I am in one now
97. Angels: No
98. Kissing on The First Date: ....
99. Horoscopes: No..

Answer Truthfully

100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't have?: Yes, but we have so much in difference, it would be impossible for us to be together.

I am not so much into keeping journal, so I'll keep this short (and most probably in my future entries too). Just some random thoughts and stuff like that.

My first thought on Ouran... many of you need to grow out of that shell of 'oh-i-am-so-wealthy-thus-i-am-greater-than-anyone-else-with-lesser-fortune-'. It's pathetic to see you walking all high and mighty when you are so utterly clueless about what life really is.

Father was pleased when he heard of my transfer...

That woman wasn't pleased at all... obviously. Wouldn't want her dearie little son to be overtaken, eh?

Ryuuzaki was appalled. Now, he no longer has that little advantage he has been holding on to. Serve him right... *smirked*

Me...

........

I'll save that for later, after I am done observing of course...